Chi Ha! Ha!

These days every newspaper and magazine has a Feng Shui coloumnist who, among other things, helps us ignorant folks, to pick the right colour of the shit-pot and install it in the correct corner of the toilet in the correct corner of the flat in the correct corner of the building so that, you-know-what, can be passed without the aid of isabgul!

The following question was sent by one Harshit to the Fengshui 'master' of a popular paper.
I have recently had my office renovated with windows dressed with Venetian blinds. Someone told me these blinds are not Fengshui friendly. What is wrong with them and what could be the substitute?
In reply the master writes- "Venetian blinds are normally not considered to be Fengshui friendly because they are like a series of blades when flat, cutting not only anyone sitting nearby but also weakning the surrounding cosmic chi. Either always keep them closed or replace them with plain pull-down blinds."
Did Marco Polo ( he was from Venice remember?) carry a bunch of Venetian blinds to China to be vetted by the ancient masters to determine their Fengshui friendlines? The blades of venetian blinds are mostly made of plastic and the possibility of hurting oneself on them is extremely remote. Look at the second part of her reply - always keep them closed. What fool would hang Venetian blinds to keep them closed at all times? Someone is laughing all the way to a bank, Fengshui and Vaastu advisers charge hefty sums for their services, while some poor jerk is pulling down all the Venetian blinds he had just put up for a princely sum. Such are the wonders of cosmic chi! And common sense tells me keeping the blinds closed will completely block this chi thing anyway.
Fengshui is perceived by Westeners and gullible people in our metros, who devote their waking hours to imitating the West, as a system of designing interiors, arranging furniture and filling up every available nook with junk 'Budhhist' totems, figurines and amulets.
Fengshui, like Vaastu, is plain common sense packaged with a liberal dose of mysticism, because without a metaphysical, paranormal, mystic twist we don't pay heed. We love to worship the unexplained. And chalu people use it to great effect.
I had once asked a guy selling fengshui stuff how he managed to keep so many 'powerful' items in his shop without upsetting the cosmic chi? How did the cross-energies running amok in the small confines of the shop affect his life? How did he keep his sanity intact. Or is it possible that these things start working only after you have paid for them? He had nothing to say in response. Fengshui had given him the inner strength to maintain silence in the face of embarassing questions!
Uday