Wednesday, October 21, 2009

A Riddle From Vaishnodevi

My parents had gone to a pilgrimmage to the Vaishnodevi shrine and had brought back this sachet of PRASAD from that hallowed place. Why people go to Vaishnodevi at all is a mystery in itself. The place has no history, no mystic, no natural beauty. But more on that some other time. Here I want you take a close look at the message on the 'wrapper'. 'Do not throw this wrapper on the way or in the dustbin.' Now this is one hell of an enigma wrapped in a mystery! Will someone ( preferably someone from the Vaishnodevi Shrine Board) please tell what I am supposed to do with this thing? Archive it? Gulp it down? Bury it on the banks of the Ganga? Burn it, and cause air pollution? Pass it down as an heirloom? Frame it and hang it in the puja room? Some one should know! The Vaishnodevi guys are pretty hep. I would advise them to weigh the option of 'virtual' prasad in future. That'll sort the dilemma of the wrapper as well as the dilemma of correctly spelling simple English words like 'THROW.'
uday

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Wife India!


Anupam you take my breath away!
Admire, appreciate, esteem, are words that can do little justice to your fortitude, your hard-nosed defence of a scoundrel who has let you down in the only way a man who had everything (except for a legitimate you-know-what when he was horny)- by sleeping with another woman.
You take my breath away, ma'am!
You give a completely new connotation to the 'sati savitri' tag. You know the rules. You love going by the book. You know right from wrong. You know you married this person for better or for worse. You know you have to stand by him now that he is going through thorny hell( of his own horny making, admittedly). And you are doing admirably. How I wish I had a wife like you! My wife throws tantrums if I forget to pay our Vodafone bills on time! Or forget to call the cheque collection guy for our credit cards! All of us lecherous, luscious Indian males with roving eyes, that are forever undressing the women around us, and with an indomitable hunger for real or virtual sex, would kill to have a wife like you. Such magnanimity! Instead of kicking your man between the legs you put a comforting hand on his drooping shoulders. "Don't worry shining Shiney, no matter how many girls you grope and how many maids you lay, I'll always be there with my rock-solid defence of my once-in-a-while straying hubby." It is only right that the strong should stand up for the weak.
Way to go woman! You take my breath away!
When I read about your spirited defence of your husband at the press conference, I thought, "gosh, this is one shameless woman."(much like Pandhar's son, whose loud-mouthed defence of his father, in whose house 19 children were raped and butchered, makes me reach for Domperidone). But I was wrong. You, ma'am, were absolutely right in pitching in for shining Shiney. One rape? That too, of a maid, and un-substantiated. Surely you were not going to throw your 'baby' out with the bath water! If anyone needs to be thrown out, after being slapped, kicked and beaten with a hockey stick, it is the maid( slut that she is!). And besides,..the man is a veggie, a teetotaler and a non-smoker - take that suckers! What a windfall! I am a veggie, a teetotaler and a non-smoker. Seems like I have a carte-blanche to rape, or atleast have consensual sex with our maid and the wifie won't mind. Not our wives, naah!!!!You forget to 'bharao' the cellphone bill and....! Come on ladies, take a leaf out of Anupam's book and stand up for your man no matter what he does when his *......* stands up! Womens' lib is for women who wash their hubby's undies and iron their hubby's hankies. It's not for Anupam's type of liberated and defiant girls who know that 'in today's world a man can also be raped by a woman'. Shining Shiney is a victim of rape and not the perpetrator! Poor Shiney, should have used a can of pepper spray!
Anupam you are beautiful!
You are Mother India, Daughter India, Daughter-in-law India and most importantly, Wife India! We, the wronged husbands of this nation of the perpetual hard-on, are with you all the way. Fight on woman!The battle is half won. I can see the vision of a slick out-of-court settlement. You'll be poorer by a couple of crores. The lawyers will be richer by a couple of crores less the 10/20 lakhs that the maid and his smart-alec boyfriend ( the one who framed your shinning but dumb knight, remember?) will take home and the heavens shall shower rose petals on you!

ps: one word of advice from an admirer - in future, pick the maids with a little more caution and if possible get a vintage chastity-belt for her...'cos, you never know!
uday